i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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