I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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