sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
