I am puke
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
