shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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