my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
