the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
