he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
