can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
