giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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