I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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