She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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