Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
