Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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