Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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