i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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