i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
