she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
