My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
