Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
