'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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