Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sarcasm needs its own font
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
