3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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