Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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