I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
