i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
