Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
