If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
