I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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