I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
