Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
