im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
