no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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