I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
