Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
