he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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