you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
