Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
