omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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