Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dicks are not precious.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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