not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
