you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
