he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
