Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
