this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need to calm my uterus...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
