i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
