Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
