come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
