so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
