you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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