Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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