No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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