so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
