why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can Purell be used as lube?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
